Open Letter to the creator of PVC Book Covers/Dust Jackets:
I’m writing on behalf of my injured fingers, three of which sustained grave wounds this weekend as I attempted to read a book with one of those new-fangled plastic-paper covers. Don’t feign ignorance, you know what I’m talking about! PVC plastic has no business masquerading as paper, especially when it comes to covers of paperback books. I thought PVC had something to do with pipes!
I understand that libraries are just trying to preserve their books, but I ask you, at what cost?! Would they prefer a blood-stained copy of Julie and Julia to a slightly creased copy? I almost took a scissor to my book to round the edges of doom but was afraid a heavy fine would be levied against me.
I have a $50 deductible at the ER and don’t relish the doctor telling me I need three stitches* in my finger all because of a book. Isn’t reading supposed to be a safe and relatively inexpensive hobby?
Best (though bloody) wishes,
Book, Line, and Sinker
*A bit of hyperbole is being employed here. I didn’t really need stitches but they added a bit of flair to my story! Sorry for any confusion.
Posted in Mad Ramblings
Tagged book line and sinker, complaining, humor, i'm being sarcastic, injured by a book, julie and julia, library, ouch, pain, Plastic book covers on paper backs, reading, sharp book covers, sharp book edges, whine whine whine, whining
Yesterday, my local library hosted a ribbon cutting to dedicate the new NATALIE Wing of the building*. Now before you go congratulating me for my largesse, understand that I didn’t intend to independently fund the new addition…my OVERDUE fines paved the way for this architectural marvel.
Friends, it’s true: I volunteer at my library once a week and STILL manage to have overdue fines that rival the GDP of some small countries. I’m physically unable to bring back books on time despite innovative methods–a few on the library’s part–to keep me on track. I tried the automatic online renewal, by-phone renewal, and stacking the books on the table near my front door once I finish reading them–all to no avail. It would be cheaper to just BUY the books (in hardcover!) rather than borrow them.
What makes this whole situation more absurd is that I’m a frugal shopper and won’t pay retail price for anything. I’m a meticulous record keeper and love organizing things, so what is it about library books that I can’t wrap my head around?! Do I have some deep-seated library resentment? Is it a passive-aggressive borrowing issue? I need some therapy. Paging Dr. Freud…
Please tell me that I’m not the only bookworm on the planet who pays extortionate overdue fees on library materials. With my luck, you guys probably don’t have a single blemish on your library card (and don’t have cavities or parking tickets either, right?!?!).
*a teeny bit of hyperbole may have been employed during the writing of this post